Love Happens (English)
by Elbe19
Summary: Lily Evans was confused. Several things had changed in the past few weeks. But what? And why? Why did she have to think about James Potter all the time? Why did her body react to him? Of course, she was starting to guess. But it could not be that. Never ever. And then she had met this stag... And Lily had to realize: Love just happens.


Disclaimer: All known characters and places in this story were created by J. K. Rowling. I have borrowed them to write my own Lily-James story. I will not earn any money with this story.

**Love Happens**

She had to figure some things out. It had been going like this for weeks. So strange. So different. So... unwanted. She did not like it that there was something not in her power, something she could not control, something that dominated her. Especially something that she was so unsure about. She did not know how things stood or even _what _it was. Of course, she was starting to guess.

Lily stood up and went slowly out of the common room, still deep in thought. She was aware that her best friends were observing her and wondering where she was going.

"Lily?" called Amy. "Where're you going?"

Jane turned to Amy. "You think-?"

"No. Maybe she just wants to be alone or something. She's been acting weird all week, don't you think?"

Yeah, she had probably seemed weird to the others; she was indeed aware of that. But she had had every reason to be. And still had. This thing was still not sorted out and Lily did not know how long she would be able to stand this state of not knowing. She _hated_ being in limbo. It was not for nothing that she was one of the best students in her year. It was thanks to her curiosity, her patience, and her good memory. And, okay, her talent.

Whenever she had a problem, Lily liked to take a walk on the school grounds. A problem with an arithmantics exercise, a tricky potion, or evena private matter. Fresh air and movement had always helped to clear her mind and shed light on the problem.

And so it would be that day as well, on that slightly foggy fall day at the end of October. A day on which you only reluctantly left your warm and cozy common room. As she had often done, she turned on the autopilot and let her feet take her outside where she replayed all those last weeks and months over again in her mind.

She did not really know when she had stopped holding something against him. She could not pinpoint when he no longer drove her to the boiling point. And there had been that talk at the lake... On that warm evening last June, all the Gryffindor sixth years had been celebrating the end-of-term exams. Of course, they had to keep it quiet because they were not allowed to party outside. At some point she and Amy were sitting slightly away from the others, engrossed in typical girlish chatting, when Amy stood up to fetch them new drinks. But after a while it was not her best friend who came back to sit beside her. It was him.

"Here's your butterbeer," he had said. "I hope you don't mind that I'm keeping you company now. Amy got held up by the boys..." He grinned at her.

"Thanks, no, of course not." She smiled back at him. There had been a time when she couldn't stand him, but had passed long ago. And still they had never really been alone. Cautiously, she sipped her butterbeer, unsure of what to say. But he seemed to have no problem keeping the conversation going. He never had. He never seemed to be at a loss for words. And she could not help but admit to herself that he was much easier to talk to than any of her former boyfriends. Actually, he was easier to talk to than Amy and Jane, her best friends. And the conversation had gone on and on and it probably would have lasted even longer if the others had not decided that it was time to go back.

Often she had thought back to that evening. When she had met the other side of James Potter. The side she had to admit she liked.

During summer break, there had been too much going on to think about it or him. Occasionally, she had had fleeting images of the evening when she was sitting on the porch, listening to crickets.

Eventually school had started again. They had met on the train, both searching for an empty compartment, and it struck Lily for the first time just how good-looking he was.

"Hi," he had greeted her with a smile.

She had smiled back and answered with a shy "Hey."

At the table during the opening feast, she had again felt his gaze upon her. She knew that he had fancied her for years. It was not like he had made a big secret of it, asking her for a date every other day. And of course she had always rejected him. She had not liked him for his arrogance. Oh, he was good-looking, popular, one of the best students in their year and a Quidditch star. But that was no excuse for cocky behavior. During the last year, however, he had started toning that snobbishness down. It had not vanished altogether, but he did not strut around like he used to, Lily thought.

His look had rested on her as usual, and as usual she had pretended not to notice it. It was not like she was not honored that James Potter fancied her. It was just a bit... annoying. In the past few years, he had shown her often enough that he could be a very demanding person. But she reminded herself that his behavior had become quite tolerable. In fact, it had been a while since he had actually annoyed her.

In all those years when had felt his eyes on her, she had never once returned his gaze. But this year she had glanced up at him, directly into his brown eyes. She had blushed and quickly looked away.

But why? She had wondered about this the whole evening. Why had she looked? Why had she blushed? As if it had been embarrassing, awkward for her. During the next few weeks she had experienced similar things. Her body reacted to him. That was something totally new, something that threw her for a loop. Her body should not to react like this to James Potter! It was completely unnecessary for her heart to skip a beat when they accidentally bumped into each other. Just as confusing was her nervous bouncing foot whenever he sat next to her. Or this strange feeling in her stomach when he smiled at her.

Of course she knew what these signs usually implied. _Usually_, but not with James Potter. These signs simply could not imply what they had implied with her ex-boyfriends. No, that was impossible; she did not even want to think about it.

And then.. last night...

_ Suddenly a young stag sprang onto the clearing. Startled she looked at him and he looked just as startled back. First, it seemed that he wanted to leap away but then he changed his mind and took a step in her direction. She smiled at him. The stag came a little closer and sniffed her hand. Then he began to lick her slightly salty tasting hand. Lily chuckled. She was surprised that he was so trusting but she was enjoying this moment. She did not know why, but this animal conveyed a feeling of familiarity and comfort. She stroked his neck. His fur was a bit rough._

_ "Hey there," Lily said. "Do you also like wandering and dwelling on thoughts? It does one good, doesn't it?"_

_ She had somehow a strange need to tell this creature everything._

_ "What am I doing here? Talking to a stag... but you know what? I like you. Somehow. And I'm afraid you're not the only one I like. There... there's someone. And I have disliked him for such a long time. But now I suddenly don't dislike him anymore. And that confuses me. What about you, huh? Do you have problems, too? Probably not. You're just a stag, probably on the way home to your little deer family. And the best thing is that you probably don't understand a word of what I'm saying. But... somehow it feels good to tell you all this. Because I can't tell anyone else. No one would understand me. I don't even understand myself. For five years I've hated – okay, maybe hate is a bit exaggerated – but for five years I've really disliked him. And then suddenly he starts being nice. And I realize that I actually like him. And... I don't know. Somehow I just don't like this. Everything's changing. And I don't know where I stand anymore. Because I'm... just so confused. And I can't stop thinking about him. And, my gosh, I feel it but I don't want it to be true, you know? I feel my body reacting to him and I can't think straight when he's near me, I think that I've fallen in love with him, but... I'm so afraid. And I don't even know of what."_

_ Slowly she sank onto the earth; put her head on her knees._

_ The stag cautiously nudged her with his nose._

_ "Thanks for listening." She smiled at him. And for a small moment in which he had looked her in the eyes, she had the feeling that he had understood every word she had said._

_Head spinning, she hastened back to her dormitory. No one had detected her absence, thank God. What would she have said anyway? Why had she been wandering around on the school grounds in the middle of the night? And only back here in her cozy bed did it strike her that her little walk had actually been rather dangerous. And only here did she ask herself if that had been a normal stag. However, she had been too exhausted to really think about it and before long she was caught in a tangled dream in which she was chasing a stag through the woods and she urgently had to tell him something, but she didn't even know what it was, but the stag leapt on and on until he was eventually happily greeted by a doe and a fawn and Lily, feeling that everything was too late and that it was the end of the world, awoke with a pounding heart._

Sighing, she leaned against a tree.

She had to tell him. She had fallen in love with him. She could not conceal it from herself anymore and she had to tell him. Even if he laughed at her. Deep inside she hoped that all his efforts to ask her out were meant seriously. Still she was afraid, as anyone who had just made such a decision would be. So now she would go straight upstairs and tell him. And then she would take it from there. She did not care what the others thought or would say. She only ached for him. And now that was no longer concealing her feelings from herself anymore, that she could be honest with herself, it made her feel much lighter.

"James? Can I have a quick word with you?"

"James? Not _Potter_ anymore?" Sirius Black interposed.

No, not Potter anymore, not since the evening at the lake, you clever git, Lily thought.

James smiled and stood up. "Of course."

Lily led him out of the common room and into the next empty classroom.

"Listen." Anxiously she stood in front of him while he was leaning cool-headed against a table.

He waited for her to say what she had to say, but nothing came.

"Yes? I can't hear anything. Should I?"

Unintentionally, Lily had to laugh a bit. Much too high and giggling since she was so nervous.

"Just take a deep breath and let it out."

Lily took a deep breath and "You know I don't know but somehow lately and then everything felt so strange and different and I don't know and you and I and um yes and um you and what the hell am I saying um I just want to say that um yeah um I feel so um different now and I don't know what happened or how it happened and all I know now is that somehow I fell in love with you."

She stared at him tensely. She had said it.

James just stood there, nonchalant and easy-going. He smiled at her.

"I didn't understand a word you said. Could you please repeat it for me?"

Lily's tense expression made way for panic.

"You, you, you...?"

"Yes?"

"I fell in love with you," she mumbled.

"Could you say it a bit more clearly?"

"Oh man, what do you want, you already got it the first time and I have the feeling you knew it all along and now you just stand there and -" She turned round. Tears flooded her eyes.

"Lily! Come on, please turn round again. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry."

Timidly she half turned to him. She did not want him to see her cry.

"Hey, come here. Look at me. You just gave me the happiest moment of my life."

He reached out and pulled her into his arms. She let it happen but still did not face him.

"Lily, why're you so afraid? Don't you know I love you?" he whispered in her ear. "I wanted to tease you a bit, I wanted to enjoy the moment, I wanted to hear what you had to tell me loud and clear because I've been waiting for you for so long. Now come on, look at me. You don't need to feel embarrassed in front of me."

Slowly she turned to him.

"Do you mean this really seriously?"

"I couldn't be more serious. I've never been happier in my life."

Lily smiled, pressed herself against him and leaned her head on his chest.

"But why do I have the feeling that you knew it all along?"

James chuckled. "Maybe you'll find out someday." He gently pushed her back to finally kiss her.


End file.
